One of the best parts of writing newsletters is the opportunity to thoroughly study the topics I explore. But what I love most is writing about ideas and experiences that resonate with my own life. Today, as I write this newsletter, I do so not just to share insights but to seek clarity for myself—and perhaps connect with others who have faced similar situations.
We all go through different phases in life. Many of us have encountered a period where everything seems stagnant, where decisions are pending, and there’s no clear direction forward. Sometimes, patience runs thin before we can figure out the next step.
How does it feel when this phase stretches for weeks? When you don’t have answers to most of what’s happening around you?
The Discomfort of Helplessness
No one enjoys feeling helpless. The uncertainty, the lack of a clear path—it’s unsettling. Sometimes, the situation becomes so overwhelming that even a negative outcome feels like a relief because, at the very least, it provides clarity.
People react to these situations differently. Some develop learned helplessness, distracting themselves with trivial tasks or simply giving up. Others, in an attempt to regain control, take actions that make them feel empowered—even when those actions have little real influence over the situation. This is where the illusion of control comes into play.
“We don’t like random and unpredictable. The illusion of control is one of the most powerful. The reality is that while we can influence a great many outcomes, we are not in control.”
— Matthew Kelly, Life is Messy
Recognizing the Illusion of Control
Have you ever worn a lucky shirt to an interview, believing it would help you succeed? Have you thrown dice with extra force, hoping for a specific number? Or have you blamed yourself for the outcome of a work project—even when factors beyond your control played a significant role?
When we feel powerless, we often look for guidance from those who seem to be in control. We place trust in their methods, sometimes adopting poor advice or following the wrong leaders, simply because we crave a sense of stability.
The Trade-Off Between Control and Reality
Does believing in control—even when it’s an illusion—help or hurt us? Feeling in control can lead to positive emotions, but it can also push us into unnecessary risks. In the end, it's a trade-off: balancing the benefits of wise decision-making against the mental energy required to navigate uncertainty.
As we’ve discussed in past newsletters, cognitive biases exist because our brains seek efficiency. Making decisions—or simply surviving—requires energy, and we often choose the easiest path. That’s understandable. We can’t expend unlimited energy resisting biases and overanalyzing every situation.
The key, I’ve found, is building better mental shortcuts. Instead of trying to eliminate biases entirely, we can create new ones that lead to better outcomes. By designing decision-making systems that minimize risks and blind spots, we can conserve energy while making smarter choices.
If overcoming biases were easy, everyone would do it. But impatience often drives us to make rash decisions just to escape the discomfort of uncertainty.
Finding Balance
Perhaps the goal is to find an optimal level of control—one that doesn’t distort our perception but still allows us to make informed decisions. Learning to be comfortable with uncertainty might be the real solution. In the end, what truly matters is not the nature of the outcome, but whether we made the best decisions with what was within our control.
How do you handle situations where you have little or no control, yet the outcome significantly impacts your life?
Did you enjoy this issue?
Exploring timeless ideas, thoughts, and stories from my travels and startup journey. Curating the best of the internet through my own experiences.
Let’s continue the conversation—share your thoughts!